Madonna’s greatest hits are great hurts
She loves for us to look at her, but Madonna isn’t so keen on looking at herself. Well, at least younger versions of herself.
On Monday night, Her Madgesty was in the kitchen of the Waldorf’s Grand Ballroom, waiting to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Surrounded by her handlers, she watched a TV monitor that let her see the career retrospective that the crowd in the dining room and across the country was seeing. There she was in the wedding dress. There she was in the coned bra and the riding crop.
She groaned. “Oh, look at my eyebrows,” she sighed. “Oh, stop, stop!”
A VH1 cameraman began to film her anguish. He was told to cease and desist.
Finally, the public trial of her fashion crimes became intolerable. She covered the screen with the pages of her acceptance speech.
Taking the stage, she delivered a summary of her success that walked the line between self-congratulation and genuine appreciation for those who’d helped her, and even those who tried to hold her down (which only spurred her on).
Her remarks seemed to touch a chord even among hardened showbiz vets. Tom Hanks‘ eyes teared up as she recalled her early days learning guitar in a New York synagogue. After the awards, Chris Rock, Guy Oseary and other close friends joined her at Nobu on W. 57th St. There she took exception with presenter Justin Timberlake’s claim that she’d told him he had “a nice top shelf” after gaving him a butt injection of B-12 during a recording session.
“I don’t even know what a ‘top shelf’ is,” she said. Some wondered why her husband, Guy Ritchie, wasn’t there for her big night. But Ritchie, working on his next movie in the U.K., called to wish her luck before she went on stage.
P.S.: We hear Madonna’s eighth world tour is a definite go. She confirmed to friends that she’s already auditioning dancers for an international series of concerts at the end of summer. (One gig may coincide with her 50th birthday on Aug. 16, but it’s unlikely to be in Central Park, as previously rumored.)
Let’s hope she picks some costumes that won’t make her grimace 20 years from now.
Thanks to Dennis